


‘cause I like the sense of speed, and I like the sense of you.

by sismorphene



Series: the same deep water as you [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: F/M, M/M, Rin has a motorbike, and a lot of thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sismorphene/pseuds/sismorphene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>maybe you like me too.</em><br/> </p><p>“It’s probably going to be kinda cold, even if it’s warm out today so uh… just hold onto me. Don’t fall off.”</p><p>“I’m not stupid,” he said loftily and sat down behind Rin. Close. Rin could feel his warmth, even though he had his hoodie on.</p><p>And then he pressed closer, and said in a soft voice, “Go.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	‘cause I like the sense of speed, and I like the sense of you.

**Author's Note:**

> hello, everyone. this story is set about two and a half years after the series ended.
> 
> note well: i usually consider the use of japanese suffixes redundant, but for the sake of those lovely characters and the way they talk, they actually are necessary. so, you're warned.
> 
> i hope you'll like this story. i really really had a great time writing it. ♥

 

Rin couldn’t recall that the streets had been this narrow the last time he had been there. It was stupid, really, since it hadn’t been that long since he left Iwatobi ( _ ~~this time around~~_ ). The winding roads up towards Haru’s house had, during the two years he spent in the small city, once again become so familiar to him, that the uneasy feeling currently residing in his stomach felt oddly out of place.

Even if Rin didn’t feel like confessing it out loud, most of those evil butterflies in his stomach were most likely because of nervousness. Because he was going to meet Haru again. Because it was half a year since they had seen each other. Because he still felt like he always had to prove something to Haru. Because.

Rin filled his lungs with as much air as they could manage, and then let all of it out slowly.

“Fucking hell, Rin, get your shit together,” he mumbled to himself and sped up his pace for the short distance left to where Haru lived.

His hand paused for a while in front of the doorbell. Finally he rang it, though, and took a step back, leaning against the wall. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Rin growled out of annoyance. That boy and his bathing. He probably thought it was Makoto paying him a visit as usual, and thus taking for granted he’d just enter the house on his own.

But Rin wasn’t Makoto.

Rin was Rin and Rin was very impatient. So, he simply pressed the doorbell again. And again. And again.

After the sixth very arduous shrill of the bell, Rin heard soft footsteps from inside the house. And as if on cue, the dark butterflies were back.

When the door finally opened, Rin’s body had prepared itself for an escape, but relaxed when he saw Haru. His mind was still a mess though.

For a while, Haru didn’t say anything. He just stood there clad in his bathing suit ( _as usual_ ) with the light from the hallway illuminating him from behind, like a halo.

_so pretty_

Rin was all of a sudden very aware of himself and everything around him, and put his hands in his sweater pockets just to do something else than stare.

The wind had picked up during the evening, and even though it was warm out, Rin shuddered when the breeze made his hair tickle his neck.

“Are you cold?” Haru suddenly asked, throwing Rin out of his internal battle with his own composure. “Do you want to come inside?”

Nothing about how long it had been. Nothing harsh. Nothing about how he had been stupid to leave again. Just a stoic, plain, question.

Rin felt himself tense and relax at the same time, and smiled in Haru’s general direction, without meeting his eyes.

“No, it’s alright. I have something to show you. You might want to put some clothes on.”

Haru’s eyebrows slowly settled in a slight frown, showing his confusion.

“… Sure. Give me a minute.”

Rin waited outside while Haru made his way back into the house. Anxiousness once again found its way into Rin’s mind in those few minutes (who like the ones before seemed very much longer than they actually were), and went away with the air Haru left behind as he walked past Rin on the driveway. He stopped after a few steps, and looked at Rin. His eyes were mostly covered by his fringe, still wet from the bath, but Rin thought he could see a hint of excitement there anyway.

“Weren’t you going to show me something?”

“Uh. Yeah. I’ll lead the way.”

They walked in silence, down all the narrow streets the red haired boy had climbed just fifteen minutes ago. Slowly, with Haru at his side, Rin felt them broaden again. When they made it to the larger road by the ocean, Rin stopped.

“Here.”

“Here what?”

“Here is what I wanted to show you.”

“… A motorbike? Why?”

Rin huffed, displeased with the fact that Haru didn’t seem impressed at all.

“Because! Do you want to take a ride or not?”

“No. It’s late.”

Staredown.

“Where did you get it, anyway?”

“I borrowed it from a friend. And we’re going on a road trip this weekend! Rei has a driver’s license, right? He can drive the car with the rest of the guys and Gou… and you and I go by this.” He gestured towards the bike. “Awesome, right?”

The dark-haired boy’s frown deepened more and more as Rin’s rambling continued.

“It seems strange. But sure. I guess we can talk to them tomorrow. Are you staying at your mom’s?”

“Where else?”

“I don’t know.” Haru smiled faintly, and shook his head. “It’s good to have you back.”

“I’ll only be here for a week. Let’s make it a good one, okay?”

Haru nodded as a response, and turned to leave.

“Make everyone come to my house tomorrow as soon as they can! And you come as well!”

“Tell them yourself,” Haru answered over his shoulder, already on his way up the stairs.

Rin scrunched his face and straddled the bike he had borrowed from Seijuurou. So much for impressing on Haru. But he had seemed positive, at least? Right?

Warmth spread in Rin as the realization of Haru not being sulky despite their less than awkward goodbye half a year ago settled in. That behavior was characteristic for Haru and at the same time not at all. Rin never seemed to be able to truly understand that boy, but he was very happy nonetheless. He hadn’t destroyed anything. Again. Yet.

Rin harshly pressed the helmet down on his head, as a starting sign to himself to get moving, both from the roadside and his circulating thoughts.

Tomorrow it’d start again. Everything would be as usual. For a while.

Rin looked forward to it.

 

\---

 

“Big brother, can you stop your pacing already?!” Gou shouted and slammed the door to Rin’s room open. “They _will_ be here. You’re so lucky all of them are even in town at the same time! Calm _down_.”

“I _know_!” Rin threw his hands up in the air and flung himself on the bed. “They should be here anyway. Especially Nagisa and Rei, they probably don’t have anything better to do.”

“Now you’re just being childish. They have lives of their own, you know. Haru will probably come here pretty soon though, since he lost his job quite recently… I think his routine has consisted mostly of soaking in the bath and then looking for new jobs. I don’t think he’s had any luck, though, so I guess he’ll find it more interesting coming here.”

“What? Lost his job? Why?”

“Don’t you guys ever talk to each other? You can just ask him later.” Gou strode past the room quickly, and patted her brother’s head. “It’s going to be alright. I’m going shopping for food. Do you want something in particular? Haru will probably bring mackerel, but if there’s anything besides that.”

“No, it’s okay,” Rin mumbled in response. “I’ll just… I’ll wait downstairs instead.”

“Okay.” Gou smiled softly. “Come, then.”

 

It was Thursday, Rin had been in Iwatobi in precisely one day, and he was already annoyed with his friends. Without them actually being there and reminding him why he was even making an effort, he was left with impatience and irritation.

The reason he had thought of visiting came from Gou, who had briefly told him in a text message just a week before that she had gone for a ride with Seijuurou on a motorbike. He then decided on his own that he would: 1. borrow that bike and 2. make the lot of them go on a road trip together. And for that, they needed a car. Rei’s parents had a car, and Rei had a license.

He hadn’t told any of them before returning that he would come and stay for a week, and had just supposed all of them would make time for him anyway, because of the rarity of the situation. What he hadn’t considered was that Rei and Nagisa currently also were living out of Iwatobi, and that they had a limited time here this time as well.

What they could be doing that was more important than visiting Rin in this moment was beyond him, though.

Just as he picked up his phone to check the time or mail or news or _anything_ , he heard a knock on the door and hastily got up, almost knocking the chair over. He shouted “Coming!” and went to open the door, but got interrupted after just a few steps. He didn’t have time to react before he fell to the ground, jump attacked by the concentrated ball of energy that was Nagisa.

“Rin-chaaaan! It’s so good to have you back! Now all of us can hang out together!” He hugged Rin tighter, only to be pushed away.

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you too. But get off me.”

Nagisa pouted, but did as he was told, and scurried back to stand by Rei’s side, who now had entered the kitchen as well.

“What do you have planned for us today?”

“Gou is out buying groceries now, so we’ll make dinner later. And then I’ll tell y’all about the rest of the plans when everyone is here.”

Nagisa beamed. “That sounds great! So what have you been up to? It’s really lame that we haven’t been able to hang out that much even though all three of us has been living in the same city… but I guess if you’ve been just half as busy as Rei-chan, it’s no wonder it’s been impossible.”

Rin didn’t say it out loud, but not meeting up with each other in Tokyo was kind of with purpose. He found it pretty difficult spending time with just the two of them without Makoto or Haru to dampen the intensity of Nagisa and stiffness of Rei – which also tended to get intense if exposed to for too long. They really were more alike than they seemed at first glance.

“Yeah. I’ve been busy. Swimming and stuff. Uni’s going well, Rei? And your job, Nagisa?”

“It’s a challenge, but I’m managing quite well, I think. Nagisa-kun has become better at making coffee, and that’s a big helper when I need to study late.”

“Which is always,” Nagisa sighed and leaned against Rei. “I’m glad that the café has closed for two weeks now though and that Rei-chan has summer vacation at the same time! We can spend loooots of time together this way!” Rei gently put his arm around Nagisa and smiled.

Rin rolled his eyes at the cheesiness and left the two cuddling boys on their own when he heard the front door open.

“Hey, big brother! Help me with these,” Gou said and handed him two shopping bags. “I found Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai on the way. Seijuurou won’t be joining right now by the way, he has other stuff to do but I’ll make him come over in the evening.”

“Hello, Rin.” Makoto was smiling and waving his hand, despite Rin being just two meters away.

“Hi. And hello, Haru.”

Haru nodded in quiet salute, and started taking off his shoes, handing his bag to Makoto in the meantime. As he went past Rin towards the kitchen, Rin couldn’t help but notice the faint smell of pool water that seemed to constantly cling to Haru. Where had he visited a pool?

Makoto looked at the red haired boy with knowing eyes, and answered his thoughts without Rin having to voice them. “He went to the public pool this morning. I don’t think he’s been there since he got fired, but I guess he felt that he needed the support of a larger amount of water today than his bathtub, for some reason.” Makoto gave Rin a kind smile, took the bags from him and followed Haru to the kitchen, where Nagisa and Rei already were engaged in helping Haru unpack the fish he had brought.

Those were his friends. Everything was as normal. This was normal. Rin’s heart finally settled on being relaxed, and went to help the others with preparing dinner.

 

\---

 

“So, what was the big happening you had planned for us, Rin?”

Rin swallowed the noodles he had in his mouth, and solemnly put down his chopsticks at the rim of his bowl.

“We are going on a road trip. All of us. This weekend. Rei, you drive the car. Your family owns one, right? And I’ll use the motorbike I borrowed from Seijuurou. We’ll go to the ocean and then sleep at a motel somewhere. There’s no way in hell I’ll be camping.”

Nagisa looked more and more crestfallen with each word Rin uttered, and as soon as he finished talking the blond boy blurted out, “But we can’t go this weekend!”

Rin was taken aback by the sudden comment. “Why? It isn’t that often that I’m here, and it’s a perfect idea!”

“Uh, big brother, yes, it’s a wonderful idea but… haven’t you considered that some of us might have other things already planned? Since you borrowed Seijuurou’s bike, we decided we should stay at home this weekend just by ourselves… sorry.”

“And me and Rei are going on a trip with my family! I haven’t been spending time with them in ages, and I miss them and we’ve been planning it for a long time!” Nagisa looked close to tears by now.

“You should’ve mentioned something earlier. I’m going on a trip with my family as well, because I knew Nagisa and Rei wouldn’t be here anyway.”

“And besides, I don’t have my driver’s license yet! I’m still practicing! That’s partly why I’m here now! I’m not 18, you know!” Rei desperately added. Rin blatantly ignored him.

“That doesn’t hold. Haru would join if your family was going someplace. Right?” Rin stared at Makoto with threatening eyes.

“We’re not glued to each other. And a road trip seems fun. I want to try that motorbike out.”

Every head in the room turned to look at Haru, confused and excited eyes alike. Haru just continued eating his mackerel. “What?” he finally said when he noticed the gazes fixed on him.

“That’s… good. You’ll meet me here tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah.”

A relatively awkward silence settled over the table. Nagisa broke it by snickering and reaching out to fetch more food.

“It’s okay! We’ll spend time together next week instead. You’ll be here until next Wednesday, right, Rin?”

“Yes. We’ll do that. I hope all of you’ll have a fucking fantastic weekend,” said Rin gloomily and stuffed a huge load of noodles inside his mouth.

“Big brother! Don’t be like that! You’re being childish again! I’m sure you’ll have a great time without us as well.”

“Yeah, cheer up, Rin-chan!” Nagisa hugged Rin from the side, and was rewarded with a sneer, which eventually curled into a slight smile.

“You suck, all of you. Haru is okay.”

Suddenly the sound of the front door being slammed opened was heard, and Gou quickly rose to her feet and ran to greet ( _and hug and kiss_ ) Seijuurou that had arrived at last. They returned into the room with everyone else, Gou a happy extension of the tall man’s arm.

“Yo! I’m coming with the good stuff,” and pulled out a carton full of cupcakes out of seemingly nowhere, and Nagisa emitted a gleeful squeal.

“You’re eating too much,” Rei muttered under his breath and rested his head in his hands.

Rin just sighed at his extremely dorky friends, and sneaked a glance at Haru. He was looking straight at him, and Rin felt his face heat up for no reason. What was that all about? Haru had always affected him in ways he didn’t want to, but this shit was getting ridiculous. He had to get it together. It was just Haru. They were going on a trip together. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just Haru.

Well, shit.

 

\---

To: Haruka  
Sub:  
 _What time will you be here?_

Rin snapped his phone close, and sat down on the curb outside his house. Or, technically, it wasn’t his house anymore. It hadn’t been for a long time. But a lot of his things and memories were still there, so it was precious to him nevertheless.

He eyed the motorbike. It wasn’t anything special, really. But Rin enjoyed speed, and it could go fast, at least. He had gotten himself his license on his free time spent in Tokyo. He hadn’t really had anything else to do except the swimming, now that his friends were far away or very busy. Or, simply were Nagisa and Rei.

Rin’s phone made a small bleeping sound, telling him he got mail.

 

From: Haruka  
Sub:  
 _soon_.

 

Ah, so extensive. And specific. Rin put the phone in his pocket, only to take it up again a second later. After a few seconds of thought, he tapped in a message.

 

To: Haruka  
Sub:  
 _Hurry up._

 

He probably wouldn’t get an answer to that. Haru was truly, truly horrible with his phone; forgetting it at various places if he even managed to bring it with him.

Rin stood up and adjusted his clothes, which weren’t even remotely off, but as usual, he found himself impatient and bored. For how long had he been waiting for people the last 24 hours altogether, really? With an irritated sigh, he picked up his phone and considered calling Haru. There was no need for it though, as he heard the sound of footsteps down the road. In the middle of the day, not very many other people were out, so Rin concluded it had to be Haru – and he was right.

“… Haven’t you got any luggage?”

“Aren’t we going by motorcycle? I figured there wouldn’t be any space for bringing stuff anyway.”

“Stupid, of course there is. You put stuff in the saddle, here. But ah, you probably won’t be needing so much anyway… except maybe something to sleep in,” Rin added, lowering his gaze.

“I usually sleep in just my underwear. But whatever, I can borrow something from you. Are we going now?”

“Y-yes,” Rin spluttered, handing Haru the spare helmet he had borrowed from Seijuurou as well.

_haru in his shirt haa haa haa haa why was that thought very distracting why why why_

After shutting the lid, he straddled the bike and motioned to Haru to sit behind him.

“It’s probably going to be kinda cold, even if it’s warm out today so uh… just hold onto me. Don’t fall off.”

“I’m not stupid,” he said loftily and sat down behind Rin. Close. Rin could feel his warmth, even though he had his hoodie on. And then he pressed closer, and said in a soft voice, “Go.”

… and Rin could have died right there and then. He was very thankful of the helmet hiding his face and Haru behind him and not in front. This closeness was doing things to his body. He just hoped he would be able to drive like this.

Drawing a deep breath, Rin steadied himself.

_Here we go._

 

\---

 

Riding the bike went smoother than Rin first had believed. After a while, Haru’s presence behind him felt very natural, and it was easier to just let his thoughts go and the road take them somewhere, wherever.

After riding the bike for about two hours, they reached the neighboring town. Haru had been whining the last fifteen minutes about being hungry, so currently they were cruising around looking for someplace to eat. This town was alike Iwatobi in the aspect of being tiny, and Rin felt the bike was making way too much noise, so he stopped by the road near the ocean. The view was eerily similar to the one close to Haru’s house.

“I want to eat fish.”

“Do you think I didn’t know that already? We’ll have to walk around for a bit to find something, probably.”

“Hm. Follow me.”

“Hah? Have you been here before? Don’t tell me you have some kind of sixth sense for finding fish. That’d be really fucking creepy.”

“No, I don’t, but I do have a sense of smell, and I can smell something right now. Fried fish. Can’t tell what kind but I’m following it.”

Rin stopped briefly, and blurted out a spontaneous laughter. “You’re unbelievable.”

Haru turned around and smiled at him. A simple smile, and warmth pooled in Rin’s stomach, a combination of happy feelings and a lot of lust his body had been denying for a long time. Why was this worse than seeing him half-naked? He should be used to this. Why was this happening? Rin didn’t understand.

There had been something new in Haru’s eyes. Right? In all of that blue. Yes. That had to be it. Something had changed.

He had noticed Nagisa giving him and Haru scrutinizing looks every now and then, like he was trying to send them psychic orders. Of course, this was before all of them had parted ways. But it had felt like he was waiting for something, his fingers itching to make it happen. Maybe it finally _was_ happening?

Rin wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. That would be a thing he did not need added to his life. And what were the odds, really, if he was? That _three_ out of five would be gay? It didn’t make sense.

Adding Haru to that group would make it even more unlikely. Or had he realized something the time they were apart? Had he found someone?

Cold feelings rushed through Rin’s body as if someone had poured a bucket of water straight into him. _No_. Haru was his. He wouldn’t accept it any other way. Imagining Haru with anyone else ( _some random girl? …or Makoto?_ ) filled him with seething, intense jealousy, and he ground his teeth together.

“Rin? You’re looking really scary.”

“It’s nothing. Nothing at all. Let’s just go eat.”

He needed to calm down. Why was he even jealous? He shouldn’t be.

“Why are you being so moody? You’ve been acting strange ever since you came back. Did something happen?”

“… No. Nothing. I’m just kind of stressed out, I guess. And hungry. Come now.” Rin walked up to Haru’s side and intentionally bumped into him to get him to move. “I’ll stop, I promise. I want to hear what you’ve been up to, since you’re a catastrophe at keeping in touch.”

Haru was quiet for a heartbeat, and then started talking.

“Not very much. I started working at the public pool, as you know. As a lifeguard. They fired me, though. Apparently I spent too much time in the pool without focusing on the guests.” He shrugged. “But I did pay attention. I knew what was going on in the water. It told me. But yeah, I didn’t feel like making a fuzz out of it. After that… I haven’t been doing very much.”

“I’ve missed you.”

Whoops. Unplanned confession.

“It’s been empty here. Without you.”

“You can come visit whenever, you know.”

Haru looked at him.

Yes. There was definitely something new there. Finally, he turned his head.

“We’re at the restaurant. We’ve been here a while.”

“Eh? Damn. Okay, let’s eat, then.”

“I’m having mackerel.”

Rin just sighed in response.

 

\---

 

After having lunch/dinner/five o’ clock-food, they got up on the bike again, looking for someplace to spend rest of the evening. Rin had decided on a certain beach earlier that week, which turned out to be harder to find that he had first thought. It took them almost an hour, but when they finally arrived, it was worth it.

The sun had started setting, and the whole ocean looked like a huge pool of gold. The whole scenery seemed almost ridiculously romantic, and Rin shook his head to clear his head of unwanted thoughts. During that short moment he didn’t concentrate on Haru, the other had managed to strip out of his clothes and dive into the water. Swimsuit under his pants, as usual. Rin had thought of it wearing his as well, but had settled on bringing swimming trunks in the end. He pulled off his own clothes, following Haru as soon as he had changed. He shuddered because of the chilly water, which didn’t seem to affect Haru, who already floated happily a bit further out.

Rin was struck by a sudden playful impulse to scare Haru, so he dove, effortlessly swimming to where the other boy was lying, grabbed him around the waist and pulled down.

Haru yelped right before being towed under, and then went to coughing some seconds later.

“Asshole! Why did you do that? Jesus!”

“You’d survive anything! You’re like a dolphin, just like Nagisa says. I promise you’re just a lost mermaid, for real. Ey, don’t be a bore.”

Haru glared at him, but then smirked and dove under as well, going for Rin’s stomach. The other one nimbly dodged, though, and shortly the both of them just splashed around, much alike little children. The closeness and carelessness were there as well, and when Haru clung onto Rin for a second too long, he got painfully and harshly reminded of that and the thoughts which had been swimming around in his head for the past two days resurfaced.

Also, his body decided to show this in embarrassing ways. Obvious ways. Very noticeable ways.

Haru must have noticed Rin tensing up, because he let go and instead took Rin’s hand in his own under the water.

“Maybe we should head someplace to stay for the night. It’s getting cold, after all.”

Rin knew that was bullshit. Haru didn’t feel cold in the water. That boy could swim in March, for Christ’s sake. But he didn’t say anything, just nodded and began moving towards the beach with unnecessarily fast strokes, anxious about Haru seeing his front before he had the chance to calm down.

Rin was slowly, although reluctantly, beginning to maybe, maybe accept that those feelings weren’t imagined. King of self-denial. Medal, please. First place. Gold.

And maybe those feelings weren’t totally one-sided. Haru was up to _something_. He wasn’t acting like normal, but then again he _was_ like water, a river, mostly calm, but if something managed to break a dam, nothing knew what could happen.

Rin had broken those dams before.

Without changing into the underwear he had brought, he pulled on his jeans, which wasn’t particularly easy, considering him being wet from top to toe and also being semi-hard under his swimsuit. With his pants the evidence was slightly less exposed, though.

“How can you wear your pants outside your trunks? That’s very uncomfortable, you know.”

“Yeah, but I can’t ride the bike wearing only them, right?”

“Didn’t you bring underwear?”

“… Yeah, but I don’t have a towel to change under.”

Haru rose his eyebrows, in a way of saying “ _Really_.”

“Well, I didn’t either. Can I borrow something?”

Death. Death was upon him.

“Y-yeah, just, uhm, here,” he stammered, throwing him his bag. Haru started rummaging through it, and after what seemed an entire lifetime, he found something.

“Sharks. Cute. Turn around, and I’ll get changed.”

Rin did that without complaining or hesitating.

To have Haru sit behind him after that wasn’t easy, even though he was now fully clothed. Getting to the inn Gou had helped him look up the day before didn’t take very long, thankfully.

Walking inside (with some difficulty) he immediately proceeded to check them in for the night.

“Just the two of you? Do you want a double room or separate ones?”

“Uh, we… we’ll share. The same room, I mean. Are there two beds?”

“Yes, we can put one extra there. Here are your keys… and I need some information.”

“Ah, wait a second.” He turned and threw the keys to Haru. “You can get settled. I’ll just do this first.”

Haru nodded and went upstairs. With Haru not being a distraction anymore, Rin found the whole process of standing a little less taxing, and after some signing on various papers, he went up the stairs as well.

When he entered the room, he was ready to just fall down on the futon and sleep forever, but he was allowed no such thing. Haru stood there, back straight, and looked at him, face dead serious.

“Wh-what is it?”

“You’ve been staring at me and blushing for the past two days. It isn’t my imagination. You can’t tell me that. I won’t believe you. Something’s up. Will you tell me?”

Once again, the metaphor of cold water rushing through him fit Rin’s current situation. He stood frozen for what must have been at least five minutes, not breaking eye contact. When Haru sighed and turned his head, Rin abandoned all rational thoughts, strode past the room, shoved the other boy against the wall ( _like many times before_ ) and kissed him.

That was something new.

Haru’s lips were soft. Very, very soft. Thin and smooth and they were not kissing him back oh fuck _oh crap_

and then a hand came up to settle around his neck, and everything inside Rin melted. And then, Haru opened his mouth. A careful, hesitant, move, more like a question than a statement, and Rin answered. He made a deep noise from somewhere in his throat and kissed Haru back with all the desperation he had pent up.

Sure, Rin had kissed people before. Hell, he had even had sex once. But it hadn't been like this. Nothing had been like this.

Firstly, Haru didn't seem like he had any idea what he was doing at all. His hands had started roaming eagerly and carefully at the same time as if he was afraid Rin would run away at any moment, and his kisses were too wet and uncoordinated.

And secondly, this was Haru. _Haru_. The boy, _boy_ , who had been the center of his life for the past seven years. Neither of them knew it, but Rin was as lost as Haru was.

Probably more lost.

As if to show this to Rin, Haru broke their kiss and gasped out, “Down. There,” and gestured at the futon with his head, all while keeping his eyes fixed on Rin.

This wasn’t like him. Haru tended to flicker with his gaze often, not wanting to get unnecessarily involved with anything.

But here, it seemed that he was completely sure of what he wanted.

And it made Rin confused. Even more confused. And very, very horny.

His mind moved more slowly than usual with most of his blood someplace else, but eventually he collected himself enough to take Haru down with him, removing both their shirts in the process.

Flawless.

Lying horizontally at last, Rin continued kissing Haru; lips, cheeks, ears, collarbones; accidentally biting here and there, with satisfied sounds as a reward. He didn’t want to stop. Couldn’t stop.

When Haru started pulling at Rin’s pants, he obliged him nonetheless and removed the still damp piece of clothing, bathing trunks included, and found himself very naked. He blushed at the awareness, but Haru made a content sound and guided Rin’s hand to his own shorts.

Once again, Rin obliged.

Pulling down, his hands brushed against the very prominent bulge in Haru’s – _his own, jesus christ_ – underwear and then he goddamn _whimpered._ Haru giggled at this, but then took a firm grip on Rin’s hand and put it on his own cock.

That, on the other hand, made them both groan. When he wrapped his hand around Haru, he flung his arms up around Rin’s back and all but _hugged_ him – and then there wasn’t very much sensible thinking left in Rin. He started moving up and down, earning happy little sounds from Haru. However he paused him, again, after a while, and instead pressed on his shoulders, urging him head to go lower down. To go down. To go down on him.

Help.

With a certain degree of hesitation, he lowered himself down, so that his head was in level with Haru's cock. He paused. A flicker of panic passed through him along with a _what the fuck am I doing this is so gay_ , but then Haru nudged his head closer with a feathery touch to his neck - and just like that, all thoughts concerning sexuality disappeared. It was only Haru there. Who wanted him. Now. 

With help from little of the blood he had left in his brain, he imagined what he himself would like, and tentatively licked along the shaft. It earned a gasp from Haru, so he gathered his courage and took the tip into his mouth.

Shit, it felt bigger like this than it looked. Cautious of his teeth, he started to move up and down, steadily accompanied by Haru's shallow breaths. After a while Haru hardened his grip on Rin's neck and pressed his head down at the same time he jerked his hips upwards. This made Rin choke, and he pulled back, coughing.

"Shit! Don't do that if you don't want me to puke all over you!"

Haru looked at him, eyes half-lidded, smirk in place.

"It felt good. Couldn't help it."

The sudden bluntness went straight to Rin's own cock, and he pressed himself flush against Haru, hiding his face into his neck to not reveal his blush.

"Fuck off," he mumbled and lifted his hips a few inches, to reach down to wrap his hand around Haru's dick again. A throaty moan escaped the shorter boy.

"Rin. Turn over on your back."

The redhead did as he was told and positioned himself so Haru was above him. Like this the moonlight from outside the window shone on Haru's back, surrounding him like a halo, much like two days prior outside his home. So beautiful. _so beautiful_

Rin was overwhelmed, and couldn't do anything else than sit up and clumsily press their lips together once again. So soft. So unbelievably soft. What did it matter that the kissing was unexperienced when Haru’s lips were this amazing anyway? Rin felt Haru smiling against him, and pushed on his chest to make him lie down anew.

"Let me do this."

_when did he get this confident_

He started placing butterfly kisses all over Rin's body; beginning at his jawline, going lower and lower maddeningly slow. Hovering just above Rin's cock, he let out a slow, warm breath. And then he closed his lips around the tip-

"Ah, fucking hell, Haru, I'm gonna-"

and _sucked_

and Rin was gone. Everything was white and he faintly felt himself press Haru's head down as his body emptied itself into his mouth; Haru swallowing it all down as it came.

Haru let him lie there for a moment before he chuckled and said, "That tastes fucking horrible."

Rin just growled in response, yanking Haru's head towards him and pressing their foreheads together.

"You'll have to get used to it. Now turn over and let me finish what I started."

The dark haired boy obeyed, and in seconds he had Rin's mouth above his dick just like it had been before, and then Rin took it all inside, eager to prove himself and to just devour. Squeezing the tip between the back of his tongue and roof of his mouth, Rin made Haru gasp out of the sudden increase in intensity.

"Yes. Keep doing that, ah-"

and he jerked his hips once again, making Rin cough around his cock, but staying there nonetheless. While just staying with his mouth open, breathing slowly around the member, he placed left hand on Haru's pelvic bone, and the right around the base of the cock and started pumping at a leisurely pace. This soon had Haru uttering a string of needy noises, and Rin removed his mouth, and focused on using his hands. He returned to Haru's neck, finding that spot that had made him gasp before, and bit down. Haru gave out a small sound, and then Rin felt the cock in his hand start pulsating more than before and shit Haru had come Haru came in his hand _he had made haru come_

and the impressions and realization and lateness of the night finally hit him and he collapsed right on top on the smaller boy.

"Ow."

"It felt good. Couldn’t help it," Rin said, grinning, into the pillow.

"You’re an asshole."

"You too."

"I love you."

Rin froze. 

When he recovered from the shock, he positioned himself above Haru, looking at his face.

Then he started laughing. A laugh filled with fifty percent panic and fifty percent clear and pure relief.

"Stop that."

Rin couldn't stop. The panic started seeping in more and more and eventually the quick exhales turned into small sobs.

"Rin. Rin. What is it?"

"You idiot. You fucking idiot. I hate you. I love you too. Shit. This is so fucked up. I’ve always wanted you. It has always been you. Always. I didn't even realize, I’ve been denying it, fucked around, walking around and making up excuses for myself because fuck no I couldn't be gay, I ignored all of Nitori's embarrassingly obvious advances and first I concluded that it was because I’m not gay but shit now I realize it's you, Haru, you've fucked me up and I’ve been in love with you for like half of my life and I love you. Don’t leave me."

Silence followed. Rin's tears were slowly dripping down on Haru's face, so much like that day of the relay two years ago. Haru reached up his hand and placed it on Rin’s cheek, without wiping the tears away.

"It’s you who's always left me."

“I know. I fucking know that. And I don't want to do it anymore. Please Haru."

"... I’ll follow you this time."

Rin's eyes snapped open. He hadn't noticed he had closed them in the first place, but now he was looking at Haru, blue eyes fixed on him, only him.

"I’ll follow you. I’ll live with you in Tokyo. I’ll attend the same school as you. I’ll do it."

Rin started shaking once again, partly because of new sobs but mainly due to his arms starting to tire from standing in the same position for so long.

"What about Makoto? Won’t you miss him?"

"... Of course I will. I guess I’ll have to start using my phone more."

Rin whimpered, and rolled down to lie beside Haru. The dark haired boy turned on his side to face him.

"You’re really serious."

"Yes. Yes I am."

Silence. Not uncomfortable. Just silence.

"Can we... sleep? I think I need to sleep. I can't really... process this now. But I’m happy. Glad." Rin gave out a weak chuckle. "I’m happy."

"Good. You should be."

Another sob threatened to slip out of him, but he muffled it. "Please come closer."

Haru picked up the blanket which had somehow left the mattress sometime during the evening, moved forward the small distance that was left in between them and nuzzled his face into Rin's chest. "If it's too warm under here tonight, I will push you away, you know."

"It's alright. … Your stomach is sticky."

"Your legs are not smooth."

"I can't help that I actually have hair on my legs, contrary to certain other people I know."

Haru huffed. "Shut up and sleep."

Smiling, Rin put his face on the top of Haru's head. His hair smelled like water; all different kinds of water, and something entirely special. Haru.

_go figure_

The last thought that drifted through Rin's mind before his body succumbed to sleep was that he definitely would get addicted to that smell.

Maybe he already was. 

**Author's Note:**

> and there you have it! my first free! fanfic, and the first longer story i've written from scratch entirely in english. the title is from the song blue motorbike by moto boy! a really fantastic musician, check him out if you've got the time.
> 
> i'm aware that rei is one year too young to be attending university, but let's just pretend he got a scholarship and could move up one grade. also, nagisa moved with him and went his last year of high school in tokyo, working part-time in a café. so cheesy. darlings.
> 
> there will very probably be a small sequel/side-story to this! so keep your eyes open for that, if you're interested. lovely myra, reinardfox at tumblr, drew some fanart for this. i have no idea how to make links though hahaha but i recommend you to take a look at her stuff!! she's the best
> 
> (she and dzana, dzanadoo at tumblr, helped me through this as well, with response and proofreading and everything. ♥)
> 
> if you have comments or thoughts, any at all, just write me a comment!! ♥ or an ask at tumblr, if you'd prefer that. it would make me happy.


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